I feel really proud to look at that logo. I have come from so far.

I feel like Stereo Hall is the real beginning for my rap career. Excuse me, it’s the heart of my career period. So much energy went into starting this company. The stress, the money, the constant fight for support. I cannot tell you how much I feel like success will happen for me. I know it. I just want to see everyone around me succeed as well. Even those who I feel like were holding me back. Some would call me crazy for saying that, but I’m not selfish. I used to be as a kid, but I had good reason. Everyone deserves happiness and success. I’m not too concerned about how they plan to achieve it. I am more concerned with my own path. I also believe in karma, so I feel everyone will get what they deserve in the end. So if they prayed on me in a negative way, fine, they can have success. But not without answering to karma first.

So, I put out a new song. Boy does it go hard. I love it when I get those moments of a beat playing somewhere and words start raining in my head. Fuck man, it’s the greatest feeling ever. That’s when I know a song is going to work.

Hella Hard. That’s what I wanted to call it. The first line that came to me in an instant when I heard this beat, and it was in that line where I got the title. “This shit hella hard, hu-hu-hella scars. Cover hearts.” My brother was off from work one night and I was at the dining room table on my laptop. He was playing beats and that beautiful piece of ground-cracking-southern-dopeboy music came from his speakers and I went insane. Mind you, he couldn’t see my expression. I wish he could have. I just grabbed my phone and in my notes, lyrics just came as fast as a sex newbie. I shouted to him, “Yo send me that beat!” I didn’t know who produced it. I actually had to search to find out where it came from before I learned that Ludacris, Rick Ross, and UGK had rapped on it before.

I finished the song that night. It took me about 15 minutes for both verses. I remember I held onto it afterward. I didn’t even record it. For about 2 and a half months I had this song in my phone. Partly because I hadn’t a setup to record anymore. “A Long Night By Myself” put me slightly out of commission. I was unsatisfied with results I was getting from GarageBand and my version of Logic Pro wasn’t working with my computer anymore. The other part was, I was shy about this song. It felt so good that I was actually shy about recording it. I was too excited. Took me back to the days when I was standing amongst the seniors waiting for my turn to rap. It was an internal competition. That’s also really what the song is about. Competition and urning for the acceptance when you feel you deserve it. It also touches on the ridiculousness of a lot of trends right now – “Hipsters beefing over who got the flyest sneakers” – and my self realization that being a martyr is the stupidest thing anyone can do. Pay attention to certain lines in the first verse. The second verse goes more in depth on the ideas.

About two months later. I said fuck it. Excuse me for saying it that way but real statements jus go so much better in blogs. I just went ahead and recorded the song on GarageBand. It sounded so raw. It came out really good actually. The delivery was on point. But the quality of the audio didn’t satisfy me. Soon enough I just asked my brother to record me. It took me another three weeks or so to find the right moment to drop it. When they say timing is everything, it’s the truest statement that I ever could apply to my life. The response was incredible. I owe half of that to my now manager Anabel Madueno. A blessing that took me 11 years to find. She doesn’t know this, well now she will, but every time I see her, I feel like I need to be working on something. It’s so funny to me, because if you ask anyone, I’m always writing lyrics. But, whenever I we get into the same vicinity she makes me feel like I’m slacking. In a good way though. To the top we shall go.

…And to you all, my wonderful TroyB Arthouse readers and supporters, for two years now, thank you so much for continuing to support the cause. With that said, I bring you another track from my heart. The beat will hook you, but please don’t forget to listen to the lyrics on this song. You’ll catch a side of me you don’t get that often.

Photographed by Kristopher Eijan. All rights reserved.

P.S. TroyB Arthouse will get another facelift soon. I’m all about improvement over here!

Company Logo (Early Stages)

This is the launch of more than just a website. This is the birth of a dream and that crystal clear vision I was talking about in the post reflecting on SXSW. Though, the site is a bit of a teaser, the time spent waiting is worth everything that is to come. On May 1st of this year, the full site will be up along with new music, video, and comprehensive profile of myself as an artist along with a way to interact with TroyB Arthouse and experience my art in a way that allows me to push the envelope to open up for growth.

In case you ever wondered, yes, I do all of this myself. From the artwork, to the web design, to the simple coding that I am capable of doing. So not only am I writing rhymes, recording myself, mixing the music, writing screenplays, acting, promoting, and working a full time job, and of course living life when time permits, but I am really trying my damnedest to live out my dreams and show that I have what it takes to be someone remarkable. I’ve already proved that to myself. Now, it’s time to make believers.

Ask me when I have time to do all of this? And how do I manage to keep such a professional, and high level of quality? I know what it takes to be successful. I put the hours in. I grind. I train. I don’t sleep. I get frustrated. I get discouraged. I experience self doubt. I experience days of extreme triumph and highs that I feel I am on top of the world. And yet, I have gone through failure time and time again through trial and error in my ways of discovery. The main point is, I DO NOT GIVE UP. NO MATTER WHAT.

Back in June of 2010, I started Stereo Hall Records with one goal in mind. That goal was to have a place that all musicians, no matter the genre, can be true artists away from corporate control, and be exactly who they want to be. No limits. No limits on creativity. No limits on image. This is a place where an artist will not only have a hand on their art, but understand how to conduct themselves as a business person in entertainment. No starving artists with me. We all eat. The key is, we will all learn how to eat, so that we can do so forever.

So, without further adieu, let me pull the curtains to:

www.stereohall.com

In addition to the Stereo Hall unveiling, I also have new business cards. Same way to reach me before, just a new look. I like to experiment with my art. Go ahead, share!

Something occured to me that as a person, I spend more time feeling, than knowing why I feel, or what makes me feel a certain way. I’m sure you’ve read other posts and you can, by now, gather evidence that I have some kind of fascination with emotion. If you didn’t, maybe you do now. I don’t really know if that’s the case because these hypothesises came to me literally as I was typing those last sentences.

Andres H. Bitesnich

You have to know why you feel something, right? Otherwise, what’s the point of feeling? I’ve come to find out that people are pretty shy or uncomfortable, and close to naive, when acknowleding feelings. It’s like we see something, conjure up a feeling on what we see and either are free-spirted enough to let others or the world know, or we become too ashamed that we lie our way out of even feeling said way in the first place.

Andres H. Bitesnich

What happens when you’re transformed into someone you never thought you’d be? Can you feel it coming on before it happens? Or, one morning do you wake up, brush your teeth, only to pull the medicince cabinet back and find a completely different person in the mirror, and be shocked to shit. I can’t wait for my morning. Then, comes acceptance. How much torment or joy does one feel when they are in the accepting stages of  becoming that person? I see so many celebrities so unhappy about being a celebrity. Then there are some who bask and bastes themselves in the life. Kind of out of this world, right?

Nabil Elderkin

I agree. Not from this planet.

Moreover. Rules? I don’t like em’.

Nabil Elderkin

The reason I don’t like rules is because I have a problem with authority. The reason I have a problem with authority is because they feel they need to let the world know they have power. In doing so, they abuse power. This angers me. So in spite, rules make me feel as if I need to break them. I need to make an example out of something. What gives me the right to feel that way?

When you start doing something, don’t stop. Follow through. See the change that occurs when you finish. Maybe there was a change in you waiting to happen. That is, not to change who you are, but to maybe realize your true potential because you took on a task. Or suppose you weren’t fully sure if you could complete it. You’ll never know until you finish, right? What gives me the authority to say that?

Arthur Elgort

I’m still finding out what drives my feelings.  All these years I thought I knew. But, I was just brand new; full of energy and enthusiasm. Now that I’m seasoned by some cold winters, springs, summers, and falls, I understand how things operate more. I’ve almost pinned down which instincts to trust and which ones to ignore. By now, for those who ignored me before, I have figured out how to get your attention. For those who were watching and supporting before, I hope I’m not driving you away. I’m still young and experimenting. I’m making it important to let loose.

I’ve come a long way since I set out to achieve what I felt was my calling. Things have progressed substantially. But as I grow as an indiviudual and artist, and as I gain more popularity or money, I may lose some supporters and friends. I may gain some new ones. I may be charming to some. I may offend others. However, I cannot allow myself to care about that. The realization makes me feel sad, but it’s better off I know what I’m getting myself into. If I spent my time trying to make art that pleases everyone in the world then I would lose sight of who I am entirely. I have to maintain my level of integrity that is precious to me. The world is so uneven it’s nerve-racking. People want you to be what they want you to be, and never what you want you to be.

One day you can feel an overwhelming love from people, and the next you can feel as if people are upset with you, eyes burning into you, with no words, as if you did something wrong but you’ll never figure out what it is because people will rather let you feel you fucked up, on their morals or universal morals, than to approach you and express their feelings on you. I never understood this. It’s a feeling of paranoia that’s a pestilence.

Arthur Elgort

I was recently asked what I felt was one of my biggest pet peeves with women. I responded by saying I hated that they never wanted to tell men how they truly feel, on any level. Specifically in courting. If you like someone, tell them. It shouldn’t be painful. Is rejection a problem? A guy obviously wouldn’t be courting you if he didn’t like you. I also believe men do the same to women, just in a different way.

What’s happened? Why does interaction between the sexes feel like chess? It’s a great tragedy. Also, why do we take advantage of one another’s feelings? A girl will know a guy likes her, and not feel the same way, but allow him to pour every ounce of passion into proving his worth to her, only for her to find every way to avoid him and go off and chose someone else; who 90 percent of the time treated her worse than that first guy.

We never like who likes us. We always fall head over with who has no interest whatsoever. Tragedy.

It’s like finding a field of flowers only to spot one, pick it up and marvel upon it’s beauty, put it in a vase with water, next to the window for sunlight, only for it to deliberately wilt everyday single day you’re with it because it doesn’t want to be with you, or it can’t appreciate how you feel about it.

Sneak One

I’ve learned my lesson. I know what it matters to like. It’s easier on my feelings. Feel me?

Andres H. Bitesnich

Experience is what has made me feel this way; feel what I have expressed in this post. I just felt the need to give you what’s in my heart and how I feel about the world I see.

I don’t know what drove me to write this particular post. I just started writing. I watered something that was blooming… and it didn’t die on me.

“The days were beautiful. We were incredibly lucky.”

My bad Jeff!

Much of the time in life we spend our days dreaming (those who are dreamers) or we spend it carefully laying one brick at a time to build the perfect foundation to our dreams (those who are workaholics and perfectionists). Then there are those who spend their days not doing much at all, but watching the dreamers and foundation builders. They are who I like to call, people who become fans, the supporters.

I try to liken myself to a mix of all three. I dream, intensely and constantly. It’s perhaps one of my favorite things to do in this world. I work. I work so much that I forget what it means to enjoy life sometimes. I don’t recommend to anyone making that habit. And then, I watch people live thier lives. Mostly to understand how I should live my own. It’s inspiration. I see people who dream. I see people who work. I see people who watch people dream and work, along with me watching them, and we turn to each other and say, “Did you see what they are doing!? That’s incredible!”

The balance to viewing life.

A walk on the street of the Capital. Day 1.

I have become obsessed with knowing what a bird’s eye view of life is like.

SXSW Convention Center

I feel closer everyday that work fervently at all of my crafts. I do have a focus. It is music of course, but I cannot help but notice my other potentials. I have always believed that (arguably) I’m an brilliant rapper, great writer, a talented artist, a developing eye for photography -

iPad 2 line. Austin, Texas Apple Pop-Up Store. The line was 3-4 blocks long. 80% percent of them were festival goers.

Free beer was given at this small show. The line was long. Michael Cera (Scott Pilgrim) was the bassist in the performing band.

Even after the band pulled up their equipment, the woman in pink had not looked up from her phone to acknowledge Michael Cera.

Lots and lots of cool kids conversing.

- I try to find a story in every picture, and I see myself as an imaginative storyteller, with knacks to become a pretty good filmmaker. I’m also easy on the eyes (so I’ve been told), so maybe I could be a model? Or maybe I’m just really narcissistic..?

Nah.

I have had many people tell me not to spread myself thin. I understood this, and I always responded with the weary head nod in understanding and the “I know, I know.” But what am I supposed to do? I love all these things, I happen to be good at all of them, I have this vision on how to connect them, and they are respecting me now. They never did before… Come now, things are related in someway, aren’t they? Sure I probably won’t master anything if I keep this up, and I run the risk of being confused for the rest of my life, or even be left behind by my peers becuase I can’t figure out what it is I want, which is so far from the truth it’ll have a hard time finding it’s way back. I promise myself this though, I will be great at music.

I just have this fucking crystal clear vision in my head of how it’s supposed to end up, and I can’t forget it for the life of me. It’s torturous. So have no choice but to manifest it. It’s way past just wanting it so bad. It’s become apart of happiness. It’s required to live and be sane (I’m not sure if I ever was this anyway).

Sure, I spread myself thin…

Come to think about it, spreading myself thin is what got me to SXSW in the first place.

Members of the Turkey Bowl Cast/Crew (L-R) Zeke (Actor), Brian (Editor), Me (Actor), Kyle (Writer/Director), Jon (Actor).

“How did this happen? How did we suddenly become the cool kids?”

I experienced popularity. I feels fucking good. I want more of it – I’m not used to it. Of course to beware of dangerous levels and how that and an obsession could contaminate a humble mind.

For one week, we all became popular. We still don’t know how this happened. I’m still in awe. The week has passed and I still haven’t processed what took place. The explanation is entirely because of Turkey Bowl. My good friend wrote and directed his first feature, produced it himself along with two other graduate classmates, cast his friends, and put his heart into a movie that I’m sure he believed would be the gateway to the rest of his career.

A candid capture of director Kyle Smith. His beer was well deserved. It even showed a pattern of his future.

Two weeks in the hot LA sun, 10 actors, 2 with no prior experience, approximately 1,600 16oz bottles of water, a 10 day game of football, goofing around on camera, me sleeping on my friend’s air mattress on his living room floor, and the hopes that this movie would turn out in respect to my friend’s vision, turned into an official SXSW selection that was so well received we turned out to be what seemed more popular than the movies that took home the festival awards. Incredible.

I like this.

We shot the movie last August. About 6 months later, I’m flying to Austin, Texas for the premier of the movie at one of the top 8 film festivals in the country. Top 20 in the world, I believe. I stayed for 7 days. I saw 7 films, and attended 3 panel discussions. I partied every night. I believe iPhones were a coveted item everyday and the first thing seen in the morning.

My last morning in Austin. I had a moment of clarity that Apple owns us all.

I drank a good amount of free beer and liquor. I’m not a drinker either. But it’s free. What would you do?

I had the experience of a lifetime. My trip to Austin for SXSW and my role in Turkey Bowl felt like a full step in the right direction. I never thought this would happen for me. I’m far from having made it, but the dreaming I did, the hard work I put in, and the time I took to step back to help a friend and champion his work, because I was a real fan, brought me to a position in my life that gave me the feeling of inspiration which felt equivalent to birth. I have a new found energy. Giving up is something not in my list of abilities. If success is the most beautiful girl I ever laid my eyes on, where I want nothing more than to make her my best friend and wife, then I will do everything possible to win her heart. And then, I’ll tell her how much I love her everyday.

You know before Turkey Bowl, I had never acted before. Many came up to me and said what a good performance I gave. I was taken aback because I was really trying my hardest to do so, but so unsure of how it would come out. I have another talent to add to my repertoire.

You don’t think I’m spreading myself to thin, do you?

1 of three Lego flooded tables given to the Interactive side of the SXSW festival goers. I was jealous.

*All photos and video taken on an iPhone 4, under natural light, minus Photoshop. You win this time Apple.

Or you can play football for a turkey.

Turkey Bowl. It’s a movie. A funny one. Synopsis? Ten friends gather to play an annual game of touch football. Sounds straightforward right? It’s so much more than that.

www.turkeybowl2011.com

Opportunity is a real cool thing. It’s considerate. It always knocks and lets you know when it’s ready for you. It doesn’t just pass you by and assume you know what the hell it means to take advantage of something.

I had a hell of an opportunity last August. I had the opportunity to act in a feature film. Even better, I had the opportunity to act in a feature film by a talented friend who I believed in enough to oblige his request for me to be apart of his first attempt at a feature. To add, I had the opportunity to act alongside 9 other talented young actors. I used the word talented twice to describe these individuals; I believe. I felt like the kid of the bunch. They were all older than me, and I saw them as so intelligent. It was like I was the freshman in high school who was hanging around the seniors – much more experienced, wise, and using vocabulary that I never heard before.

It’s true that I have never acted before, and it’s true many of them told me that I was a natural. Truth be told, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I was actually trying to act. And in the process I learned, it’s really hard. I really respect the craft. For something so simply put as, pretending to be someone else, I learned is more like pretending to be someone else while not thinking about what you have to do next in order to convince that you are someone else and make it look like your not trying to be like someone else. It’s fucking difficult. Acting, along with rapping, is the one craft which I find that it’s one of the most difficult to master. The latter is so far from what people perceive it as. It’s way more than making words rhyme.

Making a feature. That’s a big deal for any aspiring filmmaker. It’s also a lot of pressure; particularly when you play the role of director, writer, financier, and co-producer. But, as anyone in Hollywood will tell you, one person does not make a film. It’s a collaborative art. Introducing:

The Crew
Kyle Smith (Writer/Director)
Stephen Paratore (Producer)
Krystal Quinones (Producer)
Jeff Powers (Director of Photography)
Brian Wessel (Editor)

The Players (In Alphabetical Order)
Morgan Beck (Morgan)
Adam Benic (Adam)
Kerry Bishé (Kerry)
Troy Buchanan (Troy)
Tom DiMenna (Tom)
Zeke Hawkins (Zeke)
Zoe Perry (Zoe)
Jon Schmidt (Jon)
Bob Turton (Bob)
Sergio Villarreal (Sergio)

This is just the beginning… for us all. I never like putting myself in the equation of being the only one with potential to achieve greatness. I feel it’s possible for everyone. Whether they capitalize on it is up to them.

I believe that dreams can come true. I believe in hard work. I also believe in luck. A mix of the two can get you anywhere you want to be in this universe. Lastly, I believe a man makes his own luck. Taking advantage of what the world throws at you is an important thing. I learn everyday.

Turkey Bowl was officially selected into the SXSW (South by Southwest) Film Festival. A very prestigious honor to all of us involved in the creation of this movie. First time out the gate, for a small indie feature. That’s the luck. The hard work was definitely put in while filming. Now we get to see where this movie takes us.

On March 12, 2011 in Austin Texas, a premier will happen. It’s our first premier. Tell a friend. Tell a producer. Tell a hotshot at one of the studios. If anything let them know where coming to change the game. We’ve got a picture. It’s the seed of a dream. Help it grow.

However, I have so much patience with people. I have helped so many in avoidance, or better yet, ignorance to my own well being, only to be let down time and time again continuing the cycle as if I had a subconscious love affair with masochism. That is my own fault. That patience has only caused me grow less than I have ever wanted.

By: Nabil

I flip my two-headed coin in the air. It lands on the ‘X’ engraved side. Then I reflect on the patience that I have had for my own career and or personal growth. It has been next to non-exsistent. Maybe my thoughts are a little too personal here but, I often feel as if one of us has to speak these self-evident truths about ourselves. We can’t just watch it happen and not say anything. What’s the worst it could do? Connect with some other individual who may have been facing the same issues, allowing them to see it in themselves and actually seek out to correct these, flaws, if I may call them so. That’s a success in my opinion.

By Nabil

All of mankind has no patience. That is an unadulterated fact. You could argue me down all you want, say I’m wrong, and I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I work in retail. I know what the hell I am talking about. People have no patience.

Is it unfair to myself that I have no patience in chasing my own dreams?  Do I want it that bad, that every night that I go to sleep facing the fact that I feel I am so close yet so far, it drives me mad? I always thought that it was passion. The romanticism of going from nothing to something. Wanting more for oneself. Gaining power in order to use power to do good. But, power is a dangerous thing. I am the first to tell you that I have a very big problem with authority and I strongly believe the delegation of power should be wisely partitioned. I can’t stand to see injustice. It angers me.

“People always bare false judgment.” – My left brain.

All of mankind is shallow. We all see the surface. No getting around. You do it, I do it. We have just been groomed that way. It’s not a direct flaw, albeit one that can be worked upon.

I don’t think I’m  a know it all, smart ass, immature mature, inexperienced, emotional recluse. I always felt I was just misunderstood. Simply because most people are impatient, and shallow. I just happen to be a little more emotional, introspective, and introverted than most. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m an artist. Those are an artist’s main attributes. Plus, I know how much my mouth can get me into trouble. I cherish my voice, but society can cause you to curtail your speech. I always used to say, “If people really knew what I was thinking and wanting to say, I may not have any friends.” Then again, I always question how many real friends do I have? That’s a very valid question. I’m going to stop right there.

I’ll let Damian Marley and Nas bridge any gaps until I have more thoughts to share. Here is their most recent video for a song off of thier collaborative album, Distant Relatives, called, Patience. It was directed by one of my favorite photographers/directors, Nabil Elderkin. Enjoy

Here’s my first single for the new year. “2011 (Start It Up)” – DOWNLOAD HERE

Nowadays it seems that everyone believes they are outside the box. Thier level of creativity is unmatached. They say it’s not commercial. In fact, they hate commercial, and once you go commercial they turn their back on you. It’s indie, or it’s artsy, and I feel those two terms have lost thier true meaning because they have been so overused when describing today’s art. I don’t think there is anyway to be outside the box anymore. Either you are following the trend of being outside the box – just doing whatever you think looks “cool” whether it works aestheitically or not – or you’re just doing your own thing. I believe that doing your own thing puts you outside of the box by default. It probably means that you are being an individual.

Am I outside the box? I don’t even know anymore. I’m just doing what feels right to me. If my heart rate increases when I get an idea, I go with it. I’m having fun experimenting, taking risks, so to me it doesn’t matter if I’m inside the box, outside, sitting on top, pushing it, or pissing on it. I just know at some point, I’m going to land on what’s right, or better articulated, what works.

Beautiful isn’t she? She’s made of all boxes.

Pablo Picasso
Woman Playing Mandolin (1909)

It’s called Cubism.

Picture this: I’m standing next to the metaphorical “box” and we’re in the middle of a staring competition. Who’s crazier? Me or the box? Who do you think is going to win? Don’t put your money on the box.

I know, that’s quite cocky. The box controls everything. However, I like to wake up on the confident side of the bed. There’s a happy medium that I have been searching for. It’s the sweet spot between being so cocky you can’t help but appreciate it, or so confident that I sweat it profusely. A lot of the time I didn’t know the difference between the two. Most of the time, I didn’t know what either one felt like. I kind of still don’t know… and that’s the kind of honesty you can’t buy.

At least at some point in our youth, we all will experience that period of low self-esteem, uncertainty, or when we can be just plain unpopular. You know, the group that always has a hard time fitting in? No one seems to pay attention to us. We feel misunderstood. We carry ourselves as the biggest outcast in the world, and that invokes rebellion. I’d like to say this to my fellow friends who fit in this category. All the popular kids, trendies, who fool themselves into thinking they have more “swag” than us, all of alpha males who took the girls from us, all of the people who wrote off our ideas or talents because they thought we were small time and “weren’t ready”, I have good news for you.  AT SOME POINT, THEY WILL BE TELLING THE STORY OF “WHEN WE WERE KINGS.” When I make it, I want to be your voice, I am here to defend you. I am the one to give you hope for your own dreams and aspirations. And if not me, chance, and correct alignment of the starts will present you with your moment to shine. I promise.

There’s no doubt about it, the world is a strange place.

Salvador Dali
Soft Construction with Boiled Beans (Premonition of Civil War) 1936

And it’s a little tough break out of your shell. Probably now more than ever in our history. What, with all the outside forces, finger pointing and mobile black clouds that resemble yourself, just making it more uncomfortable. It’s not just tough, it’s fucking hard.

Salvador Dali
“Birth of a New Man” (1943)

Insanity is quite fine now. There’s medicine to help. Don’t know which one? Just pick a commercial. But pick based on side affects you want to avoid most. After that, just let the medicinal indused hallucinations begin. That’s the way they always wanted you to see life. Who’s they? I wonder that myself.

And me, I always find myself fighting time. The shit just melts away everyday. I hate it.

Salvador Dali
The Persistence of Memory (1931)

Being poor is so common. Why is it that my generation is the most poverty stricken? Why did I go to college for four years to be poor? That wasn’t in the curriculum. Learning to live rich should be a freshman year pre-requisite. In Speech 101, teach me how to talk to money instead of a classroom full of students who aren’t paying attention to me anyway. Money isn’t everything, but it sure makes things easier, and harder (but that only comes when you flaunt it).

I don’t need this kind of stress. It makes me look old.

Vincent Van Gogh
The Potato Eaters (1885)

Women intrigue me more than ever. I find out something new about them everyday. If I could be homeless inside of a women’s mind, I would. I can’t decide on one of you. I want all of you. I love you all. You’ve become a big topic in my music. People must think I’m some kind of misogynist or something…Whatever. I’ve had people tell me I talk about women too much in my music. So? What am I supposed to be talking about? Men? No thanks. They probably don’t even listen to the lyrics, anyway.

I can’t put my finger on it, but, she just doesn’t seem to look how I remember. There are those squares again. Am I that shallow? She looks pregnant, and that scares me. I can only deal with one of me, right now.

Pablo Picasso
Guernica

4 Square. Life is just one big game. How do you play it?

I tend to grab the dice before it’s my turn. It’s my ADD. No really, it is. Then I realize what I’ve done. Dice… Cubism. I just gave them back to you in abstract.

Anytime you open a door, and step into a building do you think about when you’ll be leaving?

I’ll be honest, and say that I do that when I go to work. It’s not that I don’t like working or like my job (I’m partial to my job), but it’s because I’m constantly thinking about when I can step into the building that I would rather be in and never leave. A recording studio. A film production company.  Actually, I’m lying. I will leave, but only for food breaks and to give the world some of the best art they’ve witnessed. I absolutely would not mind living in a world of art and creativity where every morning I wake up and touch my alarm clock I know that my imagination will be pushed to it’s limits.

If art was a house, in the case of my site, it is, I want to be that houseguest that overstays his welcome.

Or even that attractive drunken date, you decide to hold hostage, because I have what you need. That sounds quite strange, I know. But think about how great of a movie that would be. Comedy? Drama? Oh, wait, thriller? Endless possibilities.

Just the thought of my imagination running away with me is music to my ears.

“Violins Hanging on the Wall” 1913 (Mixed Media)
Picasso

I’ve spent so much of my life seeking acceptance. Quite frankly, I no longer want to care if you like me or not. I care if you like my music. For now. Soon that will run it’s pulse and I will make the music that comes from my heart no matter what. Whether you, or others like what I have to offer will be determined by my album sales, not reviews. It’s really that simple. If my fans tell me they don’t like my art any more then I need to step back and see what’s so different from my previous works. See where I went wrong. I don’t want to let them down. They are fans for a reason. Critics will always be critics. When I “make it” I’ll be making music for others as much as I will be for myself. I’ve already contradicted myself but I don’t care.

There is a difference between personal acceptance and artistic acceptance. I’ve learned the difference. Now, there will always be those fans that don’t want to grow with you and will criticize you every project because it doesn’t sound like the one they feel in love with. That’s selfish. I’m an artist, not a robot. I’m a human. I mature. So you obviously can’t expect me to say and create the same things forever, can you?

Why does this speak to me so much?

Power (2010)
by: George Condo

Gosh, you can’t help but listen to this painting.

You ever meet someone that wouldn’t stop talking? What’s worse is that much of what they were saying, wasn’t much of anything at all?

Why do we read thousand page books but can’t spend 2-5 minutes to listen to someone speak?

There used to be a lot hatred in my heart. I was very angry. What about is for another post or song… Actually, you can hear it in the new album. There’s still a few chambers full of it. After some time, I had to learn that I need to just let loose and play it off.

Angry Birds (2010)
Designed by: Rovio Mobile (Finland)

I’m gonna be a phenomenon. I can feel it. Now this is me attempting to see into the future, so should it never happen (God forbid), you can call me a liar, becuase I was just dreaming.

I enjoy the plans that run through my head. I enjoy the fact that I followup to everything that I say I’m gonna do. There are too many people in the world who don’t. I don’t want to be one of them. I just don’t want everyone seeing everything I do, it uncomfortable when everyone can see your every move.

1111 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach, FL
by: Robert Wennett and Herzog & de Meuron

Taking into consideration of what I experienced last year, the balancing act that I witnessed myself do, in retrospect, after the year concluded, I think I did a pretty incredible job. A friend of mine once told me, “Cream rises, Troy… Cream rises.” I can view that many ways. Cream of the crop. Troy. C.R.E.A.M. Cash rules everything around me. I’m tired of being a poor post graduate who works retail. I’m gonna rise to the top. So will my cream. The person who wants to be the best, will be the best.

Considering how my year started off. I’m doing a good job. I know what I’m doing. I’m on the right path. Yup. Progress is being made. Ain’t that right Obama?

Obama Poster (2008)
by: Shepard Fairey

Confident more than ever, giving myself the credit I deserve, staying low to the earth, and thanking everyone out there for supporting A Long Night By Myself

Bless You.

This is the followup to his first official short film, Paragons. He just keeps getting better.

Don’t even think about whether you are going to click on the play button now or later. Do it now and just watch. Then, share. I promise, it’s worth your time.

*Support new filmmakers, especially our young black filmmakers.